“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” ~Jeremiah 29:13

I heard it loud and clear- His voice.

Though soft- it echoed in my ears like a resounding bell. And I knew.

It wasn’t gradual, but instantaneous- this knowing.

It resonated. And could not be denied.

“Pursue.”

Ahh, like rushing water that fills the cracks of dry land after a summer drought, this word- this one powerful word- seeped into the crevices of my heart. And like a ton of bricks, it landed with a thud.

Resonating. Refreshing. Reviving.

As if asleep all this time, my soul suddenly awakened.

Pursue- THIS is what I was made for. This is what we are all made for.

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In my spare moments, one of my favorite pastimes is the work of restoring old furniture.

I smile as I write this, because as a mother of 8, spare moments are hard to come by. But occasionally the opportunity does present itself, and I inevitably turn my attention towards my next project piece. There’s something gratifying about helping an old, rundown hunk of junk become an object of priceless beauty, that brings me great pleasure.

My favorite piece to date, is an antique secretary desk that I discovered at a nearby garage sale. It immediately caught my eye, as most worn down, old furniture typically does.

It was late in the afternoon, and I’ll bet that desk had been overlooked by most. Mistaken as worthless junk.

But my eyes saw something different. I saw what could be…

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This time last year I had just given birth to my youngest baby.

Her pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected. At nearly 4o years old, with a quiver-full already, and a brand new grandbaby, we certainly thought that our child-bearing days were behind us.

But then God did the unthinkable. He went and messed up our best-laid plans, and gifted us with a surprise pregnancy.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t take the news very well. In fact, I panicked. I spent weeks in denial, as questions raced through my mind.

What will my husband say? What will our kids think? How will my aging body handle this pregnancy? What does this mean for my job? What about our retirement plans? WHAT OF MY DREAMS?

It makes me laugh to think that I somehow still believe I know what’s best for me. God must be amused at my trivial way of thinking, and I sometimes wonder if He doesn’t find comic relief at my expense.

I digress.

Before I actually knew for certain that I was yet again with child, I wrestled continuously with God.

In fact, the very night before finally conceding to take a pregnancy test, my mind simply would not shut down. Thoughts whirled, questions formed, and pictures of what could be arose.

I struggled to find sleep as peace was illusive.

I awoke multiple times throughout the night with a prayer already whispered on my lips. “God, please don’t let me be pregnant. Please don’t let me be pregnant.”

After awaking to this same scene repeatedly throughout the night, the Holy Spirit quickened me in my sleep, and I was suddenly jolted awake!

“What if you are with child already? What then?” His question brought conviction.

The very idea that there may already be a little life growing inside me brought tears to my eyes. The thought of this child ever feeling unwanted or unloved made my heart ache.

I instantly repented of my selfish behavior, and asked the Lord to help me embrace this new turn of events, albeit unexpected.

I slept the rest of that night in peace.

God had taken great care to prepare my heart to embrace the unexpected. Therefor, the next morning when I saw the 2 blue lines appear before my very eyes, I was able to calmly respond, “yes Lord.” 

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Y’all the busyness of this season has me like whaaaaat?!?!

We literally JUST said goodbye to November, and hello to December, and ALREADY I am feeling the overwhelm!

You too?

Let me give you a quick synopsis of my crazy right now…

Today alone, I have a mound of laundry to fold and put away. And more laundry to wash. Thus starting the vicious, unending cycle all over again. Isn’t that the exact definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results? Lord, help me…

I have a kitchen disaster awaiting my attention from the night before, when we were all too tired to worry about the mess. Yet seeing as I am the only adult home during the day, I am the only one experiencing the long-term effects of our hasty decision to forego cleaning the night before. Go figure.

I have 3 not-so-fun phone calls to make:

• One to the insurance company about the school bus that sideswiped my van while I was picking the kids up from school.
• Another to the credit card company who called to inform me that there was suspicious activity on my account that requires my immediate attention.
• And another to our health insurance who just sent us a bill for an OBSCENE amount, directly after we just paid the existing balance to zero.

For the love…

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