Ever been caught unexpectedly off-guard by waves of grief?
There is no need to sugarcoat it. Let’s just call it what it was. HARD. This week was hard.
Grief ripped its way through our house like a tidal wave. It was Unexpected. And uninvited. But then grief is like that isn’t it?
Sometimes It creeps in announced, like a riptide that snatches you off guard and steals you out to shore. Other times, it’s like a tsunami that crashes over you, touching everything within a 10 mile radius.
Either way, it’s force threatens to take you under.
I was sinking. And I knew it.
If I’m being completely honest, there were times when I really didn’t care. I was weary of the struggle. Tired of attempting to come up for air, only to be sucked back under the waves again.
I was thrashing about in the sea of grief. Surviving.. but just barely.
The Ebb and Flow of Grief
The heartache we experience from losing someone we love, never fully heals. Not this side of heaven, anyway.
Grief ebbs and flows. This is God’s Grace. The heaviness of loss let’s us know that we cared enough to grieve and to miss the life we lost, but over time this heaviness must give way to something more.
Or how else would any of us survive?
I had forgotten how disoriented grief can make one feel. I couldn’t seem to gain my bearings. Was I coming or going? One minute I’m laughing with my children, the next, I’m crying over spilled juice. JUICE of all things! If it were coffee I might understand.
It’s been a long time since grief of this magnitude has visited our house. And I’m thankful that it didn’t linger long.
If you find yourself in uncharted waters of overwhelming sorrow, there are a few things you can do to help ride out the storm.
Take it from someone who knows.
5 Ways to Stay Anchored When the Waves of Grief Rise
Throw yourself on the mercy of The Rock.
When the waters of grief sweep over you, a sure way to survive these stormy seas is to look for safety. Cry out to the rock that is higher than I. Cling to Him as though your very life depends on it. And don’t let go. On this foundation, you will find refuge until the raging waters have subsided.
In You, Oh Lord, I have taken refuge. Let me never be ashamed.
In Your righteousness, deliver me. Incline Your ear to me, and rescue me quickly. Be to me a rock of strength; a stronghold to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress. For Your name’s sake You will lead me and guide me. (Psalm 31: 1-3)
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint. Lead me to The Rock that is higher than I. (Psalm 61:2)
Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come.
You have given commandment to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress. (Psalm 71:3)
Send an SOS.
I have two very dear friends who act as a lifeline during times of desperate need. They are available to me day or night. They listen, they pray, they encourage, they support. When sinking in the deep waters of grief, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Wave your arms like a distress signal, alerting others to your precarious situation. Let them come to your rescue, and help carry you to safety.
Greater love has no one than this; that they lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13)
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. (Proverbs 17:17)
Surrender.
Sometimes when we are knee deep in the struggle, we have a tendency to fight against the current. We reason, “this doesn’t feel so good. If I could only make it stop. I just want the pain to end.” And so we wrestle against it. But this is counterproductive. It’s often through surrender, that we rise. Allow the waves of grief to come. Let yourself feel the weight of their glory. The hurt, the sorrow, the questions, the anger, the memories. Surrender to the process. Allow it to carry you where it will. And when all the thrashing has subsided, you’ll find yourself on the shores of peace.
Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Psalm 131:2)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1) A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. (3:4)
After the storm has settled, give yourself time to recoup.
No one who has been hit by a hurricane of emotions, remains entirely unscathed. It’s healthy to take time to reflect and process, rest and heal. Practicing self-care is important in times like these.
Need help getting started? Here are a few of my favorite ideas:
- Take a nature walk.
- Treat yourself to a massage.
- Go for a long drive. (Some of my best moments of solitude are on the road).
- Fix a hot, relaxing bath.
- Exercise. It’s proven to reduce stress, and release endorphins (feel-good hormones).
Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. (Jeremiah 31:25)
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for You alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. (Psalm 23:1-3)
Make proper preparations for the next storm.
We don’t like to think about it, but the waves of grief will hit again. Enjoy the period of rest, while continuing to prepare for the eventual coming storm. Stay in the Word of God. Nurture your friendships. Allow for times of reflection and sorrow. Take good care of yourself – body, mind and soul. Build intimacy with The Father. All of these things will help you be better prepared the next time you are unexpectedly caught off guard by grief.
Therefor, prepare your mind for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:13)
Be prepared in season, and out of season. (2 Timothy 4:1)
Be dressed in readiness, and keep your lamps lit. (Luke 12:35)
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. (Colossians 4:2)
I am so sorry and saying a prayer for you. This is such great advice. Surrendering to it is crucial for me. As Christians I think we often feel pressure to “be ok” even when we aren’t. Feeling our feelings is healthy. Great post. laurensparks.net
Thank you Lauren. I appreciate your prayers. It has been a weird week. I’m glad to see it go. And yes, feeling our feelings IS healthy! So thankful the Lord understands..
Preparing ahead of time is such an important thing to do! Since we are promised trials and hardship, we should be prepared, not blindsided!
Absolutely true!
I am so sorry for your grief. Your loved one is safe, in the arms of Jesus, but you are left here to mourn. Praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing from your experience. You have helped a lot of people.
Thank you Laurie. It does bring some amount of consolation knowing my children are safe in Papa’s arms. <3 But i miss them.. (And here come the tears again.) Sigh.
You’re right. Grief is just hard. No way around it. But I’ve gotta tell you… this is one EXCELLENT bit of writing. And yes, also a welcome encouragement. THANK YOU for sharing it with us!
Thank you for your kindness Jana! You brought a smile to my face this morning. 🙂
Rachael, so sorry for this time of grief. Sending an SOS and surrender resonated with me the most, although I love each one! Great and pracitical insight to help us when we are drowning in this kind of sorrow. Praying for you my friend, thanks for your story and helping the rest of us.
Rachel – I am so sorry you found yourself caught unexpectedly off-guard by waves of grief. I am sending a prayer up right now. Thank you for sharing the five way to stay anchored. You are a precious gift to others. I will be sharing.
I know for me when I am caught in the grief I must sit at the feet of Jesus and let Him love me.
Rachael, my heart hurts for you. In your own grief you’ve penned words that have spoken directly to my heart. While my inner turmoil isn’t a result of losing someone to death, it is rooted in the loss of a child’s innocence and the person he might have become.
Thank you for your insight and encouragement and may your own heart begin to heal from the loss you’ve experienced.
peace and grace,
Tammy
My only child believes himself in love with a mentally ill woman.
The anguish I feel is overwhelming.
The road he is choosing frightens me.
God have mercy.
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