Guest Post by Becky Beresford
Have You Suffered the Deep Wounds of Church Hurt?
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8
Few cuts run deeper than family wounds. I would know.
I locked myself in the closet this morning, bawling because I needed a few moments with Jesus. These moments weren’t fluffy. They were honest, raw and real. I have no problem laying it out there for God, so I asked Him a simple but loaded question. Why do our people, the ones who make up our tribe, often cause the most damage?
Why do those who promise to stand by our side and support us instead speak harsh words, forget to listen or decide to walk away?
At the time, I was talking to God about my family and a set of relatives who recently chose to cut ties. And while I wanted to defend myself against accusations and the false narrative they were believing, I decided to do the harder thing. I shut my mouth and leaned fully into God. Holding out my heart, tattered and scarred, I asked Him to take care of it once more.
I had been here before. Except this time, it wasn’t with my family. It was with God’s… found deep within the walls of our old church.
A Watching Predator
Back in 2012, I was a hot mess. I mean, I still am. But I was a new mama as well, feeling the combined weight of postpartum depression, adrenal fatigue and fierce sleep deprivation.
By God’s kindness we found our way to an incredible church. The moment we walked through the door, we felt like we had found our home. I felt comfortable. I felt seen.
After attending for a while, we were asked to become a part of their church staff, my husband taking on the pastoral care role for the congregation. We gladly accepted and were happy to finally find a place where we could do life with fellow friends who loved Jesus.
Every Wednesday before the business of staff meeting, we would eat a meal together and share what was going on in our families. We invested in each other, discipled one another and looked to each other for encouragement and care.
I had never felt so connected to a team I was ministering with. It was a rare gift to us all.
But we were not the only ones who saw the power of authentic fellowship and unity. God’s enemies were watching as well.
Know Your Enemy
Listen closely, Dear Reader. We have to remember who our real enemies are. Satan has a crew of cruel followers, and they will stop at nothing to tarnish whatever is good and noble and pure and worthy of praise. Anything that points people to Jesus and gives glory to God is an absolute threat to their dark dominion, and Satan will do everything in his power to kill, steal and destroy what is meant to be God’s.
He is fierce, but he is also smart. He knows the most successful way to take down a kingdom is not through an outside attack. It’s from within. And so, he sets out on his mission. He determines to divide God’s children in order to destroy.
Causing hurt within the church is one of the ways he sets out to divide.
Slowly throughout the years, something started to happen in our church. Burnout took its toll. Busyness replaced peace. Joy that once was present in serving now became a burden. There were relational troubles and health emergencies. And Satan started working within.
He whispered effective lies to each of us in personalized ways, tugging at old wounds that were not fully healed. One by one, conflicts began to erupt between the staff. Different people were asked to step down. Waves of people left the church. And then he went after me.
The Enemy’s Tactics Exposed
Looking back, I can see the enemy’s tactics. He took something so minor and made it seem like a mountain too large to climb.
A dear mentor and I had a disagreement about a young moms’ group she had created. It was an amazing space for mamas to feel refreshed and encouraged, but she wanted it to be more exclusive, while I desired to invite others in.
I wanted fellow moms to benefit from the same love my heart was experiencing. It was a simple discussion, but the enemy saw an opportunity. He planted tiny seeds of division in the form of perceived insults and heightened insecurities – for both of us. It was the beginning of an unwanted rift with someone I admired and loved.
Church hurt is no joke.
Before I knew it, our relationship fell apart within a year. I literally cannot remember the details for why things went down, and I think God wants it that way. Divine amnesia is real and GOOD!
I do know Satan played his cards well, in order to split such a close bond with a Sister. My heart was torn. And the devil continues to tear apart the friendships between God’s Sons and Daughters every single day.
The Walking Wounded
Sweet Reader, are you one of the wounded? Do you know someone who’s felt the enemy’s sharp sting? Because if you are part of the thousands upon thousands who have experienced church hurt, I want to tell you are not alone. I stand amongst you, but I have not let myself become defined by my wounding.
Somewhere along the line many of us have made a false correlation. We’ve decided that if the Body of Christ doesn’t actually act like Christ, then Christianity must not be true or worth it.
We’ve decided that if the Body of Christ doesn’t actually act like Christ, then Christianity must not be true, or worth it. #ChurchHurt #Brokenness #RealChristianity via @writerbeckyb Share on XWe step back in our pain, cling to our offenses and call it quits. That’s what my husband and I did for a while after our church’s closing. We tightened the grasp around our hurts and shouted, “God, don’t you see what they’ve done?” Meanwhile, our Savior held our hands and whispered, “Do you want to see what I can do?”
We will always have a choice. When the enemy comes to destroy, we can choose to defend or we can choose to depend. We can depend on the faithfulness of our God. Rely on His steadfast love. Accept His total healing and feel His full forgiveness, but only if we open the door and let Him in.
We can’t shut Him out and expect our cuts to mend on their own. Because they won’t. We can cover them in man-made band-aids, but we will miss the opportunity to experience the miracle of redeemed and restored lives. He wants so much more for us. He wants to show us His best.
The Way of Hope
Time and time again I’ve made a crucial miscalculation. I’ve put my hope in people instead of a Person. I’ve chosen to base my approval on the opinions of others instead of the One.
The enemy would love nothing more than to keep the church focused on the hurt we have experienced at the hands of another.
We all know nobody is perfect, and yet, we expect perfect relationships. But nobody can love us like our Savior can. Relationship strains are part of life. Therefore, the best thing we can do for our whole selves is to root deeply into Christ and fix our thoughts on His.
We need to remember who He says we are. Then, when conflicts inevitably arise, we can stand firm on our holy worth, knowing that no matter what happens, our personhood rests secure in Him.
He will show us what is true. He will give us His promises. We can have great expectations because our hope is found in Him, and He will never disappoint.
He is always moving, weaving His grace into our lives, bringing good from our pain.
When the enemy comes to destroy, we can choose to defend or we can choose to depend. Which do YOU choose? #ChurchHurt #StoriesOfHope #IntentionalLiving via @writerbeckyb Share on X
Your Story is NOT Over
A few years after the fallout with my church Sister, I felt prompted by Jesus to contact her. God had done a work in me, transforming my mind as well as my heart. He showed me the beauty of genuine forgiveness. If I reached out, regardless of the response, I would love her, listen to her and bless her.
We reconciled. Something I never thought was possible happened, and it had nothing to do with me, besides my willingness to let God show up and show off. It was His miracle.
Your story isn’t over, Dear One. Who knows what God will do? Together may our lives be filled with LOVE that binds up every wound and covers every hurt. May we be the people who point others to a Relationship instead of a Religion. May we be the Healed Ones who help others heal.
THAT’S the power of the Cross!
That’s the kind of HOPE that changes the world.
If you are one of he many who has been deeply hurt by the church, here is my prayer for you today.
Prayer for Today:
Jesus thank you for my friend reading these words right now. Speak to her exactly how she needs it. Open her heart. Heal her wounds. Fill her with Your divine hope. Help her experience Your love deeply so she can love others deeply. Thank you for showing us how to forgive. Unify Your Daughters. Protect us from the enemy’s schemes to divide and give us discernment to know when it’s happening. Bless my Sister with more of You. Amen and Amen.
To view all of the topics in this series, check out our Stories of Hope page, and discover how others have chosen to live a life of hope, despite life’s greatest challenges!
Becky lives in Huntley, IL and is happily outnumbered by her husband and their three wild boys. Needless to say, thanking Jesus for coffee has become part of her daily routine.
She is a writer, dreamer, certified life coach and speaker with a Master’s Certificate in Discipleship from Moody Theological Seminary.
Becky loves encouraging God’s Daughters to embrace their holy worth and live life fully loved. When she isn’t at the keyboard, you can find her dreaming of sandy beaches, serving mamas at church and hanging with her people. She would love to connect with you online at www.BeckyBeresford.com and,
Facebook @www.facebook.com/beckyberesfordauthor,
Instagram @www.instagram.com/becky.beresford and
Twitter @www.twitter.com/writerbeckyb
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“I’ve put my hope in people instead of a Person.” Oh, how easily I fall away from the One Who I can place my faith and trust. Then I turn to those who I should not place my total trust. Yes, I am learning and want to stay close to Jesus. And, I too, have learned reconciliation too. And I am so grateful those precious healing times. They help me to walk more closely to Jesus. Thank you for sharing this powerful story.
It’s sooooo easy to do… I’m such a people-pleaser, but Jesus is continuing to help me find my worth and security in Him, regardless of the wounding. I’m so glad this spoke to you Linda! 🙂 All of God’s BEST to you!
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I seriously wish more Christians knew this: “Satan has a crew of cruel followers, and they will stop at nothing to tarnish whatever is good and noble and pure and worthy of praise.” Instead, we let him walk right on into our relationships wreaking all kinds of havoc and many of us come alongside him to do his dirty work. We have to do better and be better. Glad reconciliation happened for you and your friend. To God be the glory!
Yvonne, ain’t that the truth! Satan’s greatest victory is making people forget he’s there… causing strife and division and hurt. But when we recognize the spiritual side of things, that’s when victory is claimed (since it’s already there in Jesus 😉 Thanks for reading, Sister! Have a great 4th!
I can so relate to your story and your hurt, Becky. And you are so right! When we place our Hope in people, we will always be disappointed. But, when our hope is in the Lord, he will never disappoint. It’s then that we are able to forgive and love as he loves us.
Preach it girl! 😉 Thanks for reading and I’m sorry you have experienced pain within the church as well. Jesus is where it’s at. 💛
Oh, how easy it is to think it’s all about us and disregard the role of the enemy. We have responsibility for our actions, but it amazes me how Satan uses things to twist them into something else. Grateful for the reminder to focus on how we can have freedom from his schemes!
Rebecca,
Isn’t he so crafty?! He’s really good at his job, but still… it’s a war that’s already been won. Thanks for reading, girl! 💛
Thanks for addressing an often ignored issue. laurensparks.net
Lauren, it totally is neglected… probably for fear of hurting others feelings or bringing hard things into the light. But as long as the enemy keeps himself hidden, we will still be attacking each other instead of him. Thanks for reading. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. What an inspriation and you are right in this: “Causing hurt within the church is one of the ways he sets out to divide.” So right.
Thank you for reading! Division is one of the enemy’s main games. I’m glad we can share with each other and bring stuff out into the open! Blessings to you, girl!
“Church hurt is no joke.” That’s the truth. I’ve experienced major church hurt in two different times of my life and it’s some of my deepest pains. Thankfully good things came out of both situations in the end, but getting there was extremely painful.
Lisa, I’m sorry you’ve experienced hurt from the church… and multiple times at that! I’m so glad we follow a Person and not a people. I pray He shows you His abandant best today! 💛
My husband and I were part of this amazing (or so we thought) church . We taught AWANA, Sunday School . Actively involved in every ministry possible. Soon we came to know the Church was going to split up into two groups. We chose to be neutral and became Church-less. This happened in 2012.
We attend a different Church now.
I haven’t recovered from that loss still, but both groups were upset that we didn’t chose them. My husband and I chose JESUS 🙂
Church hurt has been deep, but since I chose Jesus . I decided to feed the daily manna and be a blogger instead of letting the Devil win.
It is so important to know that the enemy is watching. Let us pray for one another.
Oh Diana, that is so incredibly hard! I’m sorry you had to go through that literal division. Good for you for seeing what the enemy was doing and choosing to follow Jesus. I am praying for your heart… that He restores what has been taken. Blessings to you, Sister! 💛
Thanks for sharing your hurt. I can relate. My husband is senior pastor at our church and the associate pastor and his wife were our closest friends and ministry partners for 17 years. Three years ago Satan ripped that apart and the couple left our church. I have grieved the loss like a death. It seemed death would actually be easier—closure at least. I pray one day my friend and I will reconcile.
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